i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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