Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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