Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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