i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
