i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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