So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
