Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
