my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
