Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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