i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
