Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
