life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
