he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize