Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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