i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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