I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You ate ashes out of my bong
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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