I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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