apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
