cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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