I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
