Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Shame - the story of my life.
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