haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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