shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
