im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
