ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
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