so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
