the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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