Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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