He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Randomize
