we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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