and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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