I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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