Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
