Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
the condom got lost in my hair
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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