my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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