they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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