Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
