I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
