Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
