took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
