This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think a kid would responsible me up
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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