Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
