That's intense
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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