i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
