isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
