i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
