Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
