It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
