you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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