Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
