I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
