if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
