I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
