So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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