smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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