fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
