i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
