Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
