Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
