he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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