i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize