He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
