somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
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