An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
