I'm lost and stupid without you.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
