We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
