Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize