well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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