id be glad to
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
