Acid is not a monday night drug
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
