i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
