there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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