so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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