btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
