If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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