the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
