I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
