I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
