yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
where are you?
Hypothermia
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
