It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
