Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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