I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
