His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
